Crystal clean surfaces, a super fast Mac computer, perfectly peculated coffees on tap all placed next to a window with the sun light streaming in so you get an adequate amount of vitamin D. Absolute bliss.
Literally you sat in the lounge your pajamas next to your dog, spending all day waiting for the internet to load.
2. Your morning routine
Going for a 9 mile run at 6am before work starts, stopping at the shops to get some divine taylors coffee beans and some fruit, then running home to enjoy a lovely smoothie and a divine Taylors coffee, then i’m going to get ready for the working day ahead of me and go into my crystal clean office that I tidied the day before, all set up and ready to get on with some work, and because I started work at 7.30 i’ll be finished by 14.30 so i can enjoy some recreational activity with my family, friends and dog.
You’re going to drag your aching, tired body out of bed at 8.52, sit in the shower for half an hour, put some clean pj’s on, make yourself an instant Nescafe, Azera, coffee and some choccy digestive biscuits, sit yourself in the lounge and wait for the laptop i was to load for another half an hour, probably fall asleep while waiting, then wake up 5 hours later having done no work, with your cat asleep on top of you.
3. Your home lunch break
In your head: Right it’s getting near to lunch time, thankfully I went to Asda at the start of the week and pre-made myself some tomato and basil soup that I’ve left in the freezer and oh yes I remember I put that leg of lamb in the oven this morning before my run and the vegetables are boiling, Oh and then I picked up my homemade Tiramisu from that cake shop, so I’ve got everything I need to make an award winning 3 course meal for me.
In your head: Oh my days i’v never been so hungry in my whole life I hope there’s something in the fridge (gets up to go to the fridge) there must be something, anything, i’m actually going to die if I don’t eat something (looks in the fridge to see a half eaten sandwich, half a box of grapes, a carton of eggs and a pen?), ‘during mental breakdown’ oh no, oh no, not again I haven’t eat for a whole… 2 hours, ‘crawls to the phone, dials hungry house for the third time this week and now knows number of by heart’ “Hi can i order 4 meat feast pizzas asap.”
Working on your lonesome:
In your head: Wow i’m so glad I get to work from home today, this means no distractions, no one expects me to make them brews, no body will ask me to fix the printer, the toilets are closer, and nobody will talk to me all day! I’m going to get a years worth of work done today, absolutely can’t wait!
I’m reporting from my sofa, i’v been alone for approximately 1 hours and 13 minutes now, I haven’t seen a human since yesterday evening, my cat is no where to be found, I cannot work, I am not in the right frame of mind, no, sorry I’m going to get a McDonald’s to help with the loneliness. Over and out.
4. Trip to Starbucks for a change of scenery
In your head: Ooooh change of environment = good for creativity. Yes i’m going to get myself a venti, half-whole milk, one quarter 1%, one quarter non-fat, extra hot, split quad shots (1 1/2 shots decaf, 2 1/2 shots regular), with whip, 2 packets of splenda, 1 sugar in the raw, a touch of vanilla syrup and 3 short sprinkles of cinnamon no foam latte, and sit next to the window with a plug and get lots of work done all day, might even treat myself to a panini and a blueberry muffin for desert, can’t wait.
In your head: Oh my days, i’v forgotten how to talk to other humans, and now I have to order my ridiculously complicated coffee. The WiFi is down. All the seats with plugs are taken by men with headphones on, hunched over their Macbook Airs while they develop a game-changing app. What the hell am I doing here? Why are those teenagers sat laughing unnecessarily loud it’s 9.56am for crying out loud? And why have they ordered frapachinos its -5 degrees outside? What is this plunky jazz music they’re playing? Why are three babies screaming at nothing? And why are their parents ignoring them? Who’s idea was it to come here? Oh yeah, mine.
And you realize there really is no place like home, after all.