7 facts you’ll only relate to if you work in an Office

1. Trust issues 

Seeing your stapler, pen or favorite mug on your colleagues desk and feeling absolutely infuriated at the fact that they had the cheek to steal your stationery and then getting annoyed at yourself for even giving them the benefit of the doubt because they ‘pinky promised’ they’d give it back as soon as they’d used it and it’s still sat on their desk 3 days later… therefore you make a mental note to never trust anyone ever again.

 2. Don’t even look in the direction of the kitchen

So, its 9.30 Monday morning, you’ve only been at work half an hour and you’re already getting the shakes. You need a coffee. But unfortunately, so does everyone else… Which means if you do something as little as look in the direction of the kitchen, you’ll automatically become the designated coffee maker, and at this early on a morning with a hangover starting to creep across your forehead, making 17 coffees for 17 ungrateful colleagues isn’t first on your to-do list.

3.  Trying to put up with the noisy eater 

It could be cereal crunching or pot noodle slurping, or doing that weirdly intense sigh of satisfaction after every sip of coffee, but each time you hear that harrowing noise, you feel the urge to get up, and pour any beverages they have, all over their head which of course, would result in you getting sacked, so you remain in your seat grinding your teeth trying not to go insane.

4. Pen chewers

Having a colleague hand you the very same pen they have just been chewing, smiling and saying ‘thanks’ whilst pretending your not just going to cringe and throw it away.

 5. Temperature war = a real thing

In the office, you are either one of those: freezing all the time, lives in your winter coat despite the fact it’s the middle of August and the tarmac is melting sorts, or, you’re a absolutely sweltering all the time and always has a fan in your direction even though it’s -20 degrees outside and your car is submerged in snow. And it’s when these sorts of people work next to each other, a war slowly beings to unfold.

 6. Actually realizing how pernickety you’ve become 

You don’t realize how pernickety you’ve become until it’s the end of the day at 4.30pm and no one has admitted that they were the person who jammed the printer. You become a detective, you trust no one. What sort of a person would jam a printer and not un-jam it?

You have your suspicions it’s 60 year old Janet from accounts who’s too lazy to empty her own bin but you can never be too sure. You spend the next three weeks making small talk with everyone and trying to lead every conversation towards the printer to see if anyone acts suspiciously. Until you finally drop it because you’ve moved onto obsessing over something far worse. Someone has took your stapler, and guess who your blaming. Janet.

 7. Casual Friday dress code angst

Particularly if you are new to the office. Nobody told you that ‘casual’ just meant not wearing a tie – yet there you are, in your ripped jeans and converse, looking like you’re about to hit the skate park with the local 13 year old’s. Cringe.